Say “yes” in a new way; it will change your life.
Too often we say “yes” when we really want to say “no.” Someone makes a request of us and we feel pressured to accept it. We face this predicament practically every week, if not every day. It could be any flavor of request:
- Will you join the committee?
- Will you serve on the board?
- Will you lead the project?
- Will you come to the party?
Invariably, the person making the request is sincere and committed to what they’re doing, and they’re recruiting us because of the value we’ll bring to their initiative. It’s hard to say no when they ask. And if they’re someone who is really persuasive, persistent, or aggressive, it’s even harder to say no. The challenge—no matter how effective or pressure-filled the request—is that we only have so much time and energy.
When I ask the people I coach or the participants in my seminars and speeches how much they enjoy saying no, the answer is always that no one does. So, I teach them how to say yes to their own priorities and projects, rather than put excess energy in their no.
I explain when you say you are not able to join another committee or start another activity, for example, you are saying yes to something else in your life; it could be more time with your family, coaching your children’s sports, exercising, writing your book, or any number of priorities you have. We just have to politely say no because of the other commitments we have (how much we share about these commitments depends on the relationship).
This new way of saying yes relieves us of the heavy burden often associated with having to say no. And while others might be disappointed with our decision, they will respect the clarity of our commitment to what’s important to us.
When we say yes to our lives, we build our confidence to set and follow our own course. We are not tied to the direction others prefer we take.
Good things happen when we say yes to what matters most in our lives.
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p.p.s. Thank you to my friend, Cindy Rold, for her insight into the power of saying “yes.”
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Dave,
This Yes or No topic is a must for enjoying life at it’s fullest. Either at home, at work, with friends or with ourselves we must learn to say No with confidence and without guilty thoughts later on.
I’m still working at this, cause I usually say Yes. What’s help me the most is thinking thoughts like: I am responsible for my decisions, I’m responsible for my happiness, I cannot please everyone, Sometimes is crucial to think of me first, this might sound a bit selfish but I think on ocassions is a must.
We have to build confidence on what we think is right and we cannot make or accept decisions we are not truly comfortable with. All is part of being genuine and honest with ourselves so we can be honest and trustworthy with others.
All the best,
Miguel
Miguel,
You sum it up so well Miguel. I have to quote you: “We have to build confidence on what we think is right and we cannot make or accept decisions we are not truly comfortable with. All is part of being genuine and honest with ourselves so we can be honest and trustworthy with others.”
All the best,
David
Hi David!
This is one of the key issues that the organization I work in works with (so far in Norway, South Africa, Thailand and Namibia).
We empower youth to make their own choices and we focus on our three core values which are:
1: Courage to live (your own life, and not follow others)
2. Courage to care (for oneself and others)
3. Courage to say no
When we talk about courage to say no we focus on exactly what you are talking about here, that when you say no to one thing you say yes to something bigger and something that is more important to you. For youth saying no is often about peer pressure and we train them in different ways of saying no and how they can think in regard to this. Amongst other things we talk about the fact that no argument and pressure can “beat” the answer: “I have the courage to say no”.
All the best,
Bjørg-Elin Moen, Norway